Hello, I am Another Flawed Man, But I Know it
Hello Blogger people. I am Jeff, and I am a flawed man. Read that kind of like an AA meeting intro, because in a way that's what this blog is for me. So, now that I am beginning to accept who I am, welcome to the meeting.
I am sure there has to be something that might help somebody but more than anything I hope my admissions, or testimonies make a difference for me. Relationships, be it family, friendships, or professional, I have screwed up my fair share of all of 'em. I have learned from all of 'em.
In no way am I claiming wisdom in this world of ours, but for my happiness, I feel like I have earned a good bit of it. I'm gonna share. My dad said an idiot learns from his own mistakes if he can learn from somebody that knows. I don't know it all but have come to a point where I know what I don't know. I never said what I am going to share will make any sense, but here we are.
I understand how these internets work, so share your opinions, you won't hurt my feelings.
We will discover more as we go, I am sure, but I feel that my best friend and wife, Cindy, is right on the money when she says that I can't ever be satisfied with anything. Maybe, but I never thought of satisfaction and ambition as the same thing. I am 51-year.... 52-years-old. I am, have been, well, was, in broadcast media, primarily radio for 35 years. 20 something years ago realized it was my career, and that was something I truly feel I was satisfied with, my "career". Well, that went to shit in the weirdest way, and I am still very, very, emphasizing VERY raw about it. More on that in another post. Was a lot to say that I am currently unemployed. I do a lot of contract work for some money, little compared to the salary I had for the last 20 years of my career. Feel a bit like I not only don't provide a paycheck like a real man does, but also lost my identity, the "who I am" of me, and it is a struggle. I have lost personal relationships, people that I thought of as family, and in the case of Cindy, her too. We worked together for almost 20 years, and when I got screwed over, (another post), it was kind of like that Jerry McGuire movie, ya know... who's coming with me??? Well, nobody, and especially not her. Our relationship is struggling at best at this point. I don't blame her, I am a mess, as I will try to be honest about.
I have 3 wonderful daughters... a lot of my posts will be around those relationships, or lack of in some instances, not to blame circumstances, because even though my children would say I was a good dad, I know I could have, SHOULD have been better. Back to the whole idea of "better, again. I am proud of my girls. All of them, each of my 3 daughters has a baby daughter. So, I am a Pawpaw, with 3 of the sweetest little girls in the world. I am proud of all of them... but 3 daughters, step-mother things, all kinds of bullshit. See, doubting if I really want to share everything, but I have heard from a few people that are struggling with these same things, in some cases even worse struggles than I have ever experienced.
So, welcome. The experiment starts soon.
In no way am I claiming wisdom in this world of ours, but for my happiness, I feel like I have earned a good bit of it. I'm gonna share. My dad said an idiot learns from his own mistakes if he can learn from somebody that knows. I don't know it all but have come to a point where I know what I don't know. I never said what I am going to share will make any sense, but here we are.
I understand how these internets work, so share your opinions, you won't hurt my feelings.
We will discover more as we go, I am sure, but I feel that my best friend and wife, Cindy, is right on the money when she says that I can't ever be satisfied with anything. Maybe, but I never thought of satisfaction and ambition as the same thing. I am 51-year.... 52-years-old. I am, have been, well, was, in broadcast media, primarily radio for 35 years. 20 something years ago realized it was my career, and that was something I truly feel I was satisfied with, my "career". Well, that went to shit in the weirdest way, and I am still very, very, emphasizing VERY raw about it. More on that in another post. Was a lot to say that I am currently unemployed. I do a lot of contract work for some money, little compared to the salary I had for the last 20 years of my career. Feel a bit like I not only don't provide a paycheck like a real man does, but also lost my identity, the "who I am" of me, and it is a struggle. I have lost personal relationships, people that I thought of as family, and in the case of Cindy, her too. We worked together for almost 20 years, and when I got screwed over, (another post), it was kind of like that Jerry McGuire movie, ya know... who's coming with me??? Well, nobody, and especially not her. Our relationship is struggling at best at this point. I don't blame her, I am a mess, as I will try to be honest about.
I have 3 wonderful daughters... a lot of my posts will be around those relationships, or lack of in some instances, not to blame circumstances, because even though my children would say I was a good dad, I know I could have, SHOULD have been better. Back to the whole idea of "better, again. I am proud of my girls. All of them, each of my 3 daughters has a baby daughter. So, I am a Pawpaw, with 3 of the sweetest little girls in the world. I am proud of all of them... but 3 daughters, step-mother things, all kinds of bullshit. See, doubting if I really want to share everything, but I have heard from a few people that are struggling with these same things, in some cases even worse struggles than I have ever experienced.
So, welcome. The experiment starts soon.
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